Today, I’ve been thinking about how fear can take us out. There are a couple different types of fear that I’ve become away of in my life; one lets us know that we are actually in danger, and our whole sense of self is going to do it’s best to make sure that we get out of danger. The other kind of fear is the fear that we don’t matter. It’s an alarmed aloneness where we literally feel completely and utterly alone, and sometimes, we really believe that we do not matter to anyone. And that nobody else in the entire world has ever experienced that pain.
This can show up for some as a sense of abandonment or rejection. Have you ever been ridiculed or made fun of? Maybe you’ve been dismissed and feel that you lack, whatever it is that other’s want you to have, and that you have no capacity on your own to ever be able to measure up, to be enough, or find acceptance. That can be a very dismal place to reside.
This can show up in many different ways at different stages of our life. I remember as a young child my parents moved quite a few times in the same year and I lost my grounding, especially as a young child. I remember watching the other kids; they all seemed to fit in together, they all knew each other, and I had the distinct experience that I did not fit in. I didn’t even know there was anyone I could talk to about it. Those kinds of conversations were not common, at least not in my life. Maybe they are not common in yours.
It’s really important to know that you do make sense and it’s possible to find places where you can have those conversations, because those conversations are important.
One of the things that some of us also find is that when we are in nature, or when we are with animals, that there’s a sense of peace, of comfort, of aliveness that we can experience, that maybe we didn’t experience with other people. That can be an in-road for many of us. I’m one of those that I loved being in nature. I’d go out with my brothers’ dog and be on my horse. Or I’d go sit in the barn with my cats. I’d be at peace going for walks in the woods.
There’s something about connecting with the enormity of life, where you can start to touch into being a part of that existence. What I want to put out there is when you can feel that in your body, when you can notice what it’s like to be you in the different environments that are available in our world, you can trust your body’s wisdom. It can support you to find others that you will resonate with.
I also want to acknowledge that it’s true that when we’ve had patterns of being alone, and not being sought out by others, we need to be able to learn how to receive. Because we haven’t been a receiver in our life, and we don’t understand that it’s possible or that it’s safe. It doesn’t feel safe, so how do we begin to allow ourselves to experience that it’s safe? In my experience we need lots of repeated experiences of that in relationships with others.
When we repeat those experiences, we develop new pathways. The more we get to strengthen those pathways, the more we discover that we make sense, and not only can we receive, but we can begin to give. We can develop reciprocal relationships of trust.
Sometimes it starts going for a walk in nature, other times it starts connecting with other mammals, and sometimes it starts out by daring to reach out and allowing your experience to be felt and heard, and noticing what that’s like.
So, I encourage you, if you resonate with this, to dare to reach out. To have a conversation, because your experience really does matter, and we need to hear your voice in this world.
Thanks for being on this journey with me today. Healing You.