Many of us tune out of life without awareness that we even have – AND – we don’t know how to tune back in.
This can be experienced as a complete and total shut down of your system. You may feel blank inside like nobody is home. You may not have access to be able to speak and may not even notice any inner chatter happening in your inner world.
Or it may be that your body has closed off but the inner chatter is really strong and it blames others and your situation as justification why you have tuned out and disconnected from life.
I remember leading a business meeting, this was an INTENSE meeting, with heavy tension in the room. The business was based on health and wellness, but the employees were not showing up congruent with that message.
At that time in my life, it felt like in nearly every area of my life, life was out to get me. It also felt like the ground beneath me was crumbling fast and I had nowhere to turn.
I did my best to create a container to hold the meeting with integrity and provide a space for the employees to have a discussion where they could be heard and begin to pull together as a team. The problem was that the intensity of the energy I could FEEL in the room was knocking me off my center.
It felt scary and dangerous to my body, yet this was beneath my conscious awareness, all I could sense in the moment was it felt like my mind was slowly being filled up with a thick fog bank and I was losing my capacity to track ANYTHING.
Do you know how embarrassing this felt in the moment? It was shameful. I was supposed to be the leader! Yet my experience felt SO incredibly shaming in the moment I couldn't even HEAR my inner chatter except for a whisper of "You're going down."
At some point in the meeting, as the discussion became even more heated, I knew I was expected to "take charge" of the discussion to guide it back into congruence with the mission statement. Yet I was incapacitated. I silently handed off to one of the employees to stumble her way through until the painful meeting came to a close.
That was painful. My body closed off and I felt I had nowhere to turn and believed that no one could ever understand my experience. I was certain that something was wrong with me.
What's possible when a person is empowered
to tune back into life and resolve this kind of pain?
What might that look like?
Well, for me, it's as if I have grown new skin that protects and nurtures my inner experience. My energy body has grown and matured, so to speak, which creates a buffer, a soft spacious container, that holds my own energy and differentiates it from the energy of others. This enables me to stay engaged and present rather than taking things personally, especially when they are directed at me with intensity. I was able to grow my own window of welcome to stay present with the energies my body could not tolerate before.
Rather than believing I would stay stuck in the fog and closed off from life forever. Or blaming people involved in my past trauma to justify my experience. Even though I had believed no one would possibly understand what's happening and that nothing could possibly help me get better. In that mindset, I had no hope at all.
Instead, I chose to believe in "That which I could not see" and found the courage within my sense of self to DARE TO REACH OUT for support because WHY NOT! I chose to believe in myself, to take responsibility for my whole sense of self, to trust I DO have a purpose, and I AM making a difference in this life!
It is possible to experience that LIFE CAN BE FOR YOU rather than against you when you learn how to STEP OUT OF THE SHADOWS of who you were told you were supposed to be and into the Light of WHO YOU WERE BORN TO BE.
I discovered on this path that I MAKE SENSE AFTER ALL.
I learned how to slow down and allow myself to be accompanied. To look within myself for my answers in life. By being heard, I developed ears to hear that still, quiet voice within to guide me in each moment. I learned to trust my gut and listen to my body's wisdom. I got to know myself from the inside out which empowered me to get to know others at a much more profound level of awareness. I developed trust and grew in faith in my new beliefs ten-fold.
What are some next steps you might do?
First, DARE TO REACH OUT for help. Be willing to be vulnerable and honest, not only with yourself but with someone who has experience tuning in to the heart space. This is the bedrock of where trust can begin to be nurtured and grow. These FIRST STEPS are crucial to calm the body enough to grow a new capacity to stay socially engaged from the inside out.
We first need to EXPERIENCE social engagement that WELCOMES us RIGHT WHERE WE ARE in order to MAINTAIN THAT ABILITY on our own.